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Ashley asks…..
I decided I need to get sober for my kids. I wake up feeling like a shitty mom every day. My problem is that my boyfriend drinks every day. He doesn’t always get drunk but it is always around and it makes me want to drink. What should I do? What’s the point of being sober if I just want it all the time?
Dear Ashley,
First, congratulations for seeing the potential consequences your drinking has on your children. You might be a shitty mom, or you might just have a few tweaks needed to be your best version. Either way, you are here trying to do something about it and that is growth. Your kids deserve your best self.
Living with someone who is still using when trying to live in recovery was difficult for me personally, but not impossible. I have been in situations where I have stayed sober through it, and not. I think my success in this scenario was directly correlated with how involved I was in my recovery.
The time I managed to stay sober, I was attending several AA meetings a week. I was also helping around the meeting to make sure it was a clean and safe place for other members. There was a brief period of greeting people at the door but I am a little bit of a germaphobe. Also, I was volunteering in the community and attending college for Substance Abuse Counseling. I had post-it notes all over my house with various sobriety or hope inspiring quotes. I was reading recovery literature and writing about my experience regularly.
Most importantly, I found sober people that I enjoyed to be around outside of meetings. My tribe, my clan, my people that would be my friends even if we didn’t have addiction in common. A big reason I drank was to feel more connected to other people and I needed that to stay sober too. People who are honest, open-minded and willing to evolve with me. They don’t have to be AA, don’t even have to be in recovery, just people who respect my desire to live freely from alcohol. Boyfriend will grow with you, or he won’t. That part gets easier to navigate with time.
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