My name is Justine and I am an alcoholic. I am in my mid-30’s, solo parent to a daughter in her mid 3’s. My freedom of bondage from alcohol started as an Army intervention in 2009, rehab and AA or get kicked out and lose all of my benefits. At 21 years old, never heard of AA, never thought I was “that” bad, just really liked to have fun. They didn’t follow through with their threats and let me leave on my terms: honorably, drunk and homeless but at least I still had my pride.
I heard early on, “there is nothing worse than a belly full of brew and a head full of AA – AA will ruin your drinking career.” I would spend the next 6 years jumping between blackouts and the light of hope that I could be at peace enough to live serenely in reality someday. My jar of medallions filled quickly with my seesaw shimmy but each interlude was shorter and my sobriety was slowly starting to make sense. My white flag was waved on 12.13.2015.
AA is not the way that I would have chosen for myself but it was the way I was given. I wondered if my disdain for the rooms was simply because I was forced to go but as I evolved in my recovery, I learned that my hesitation was valid. It isn’t the only way, but it is my foundation and I am forever grateful they cared enough to not let me die on their table. My journey along that path ended years ago but I will always recommend it as a starting place. Sorry, not sorry. Please look in the Sober Support section to get other recovery resources.Now that we have that out of the way…. AFasf, aka myself,
defines recovery as:
Choosing not to act like a drunk(high) fucking idiot today.
Clean and serene…. Awesome dude! High half as much…. Sweet! Maintenance Medication…. Thank scientists for accomplishing this! Not sure if you even want to stop using…. I’d believe you if you weren’t reading this far into it 😉 Non-addicts are cool too.
This blog, diary, showcase of my life is filled with imperfect values and failures that keep giving me the opportunity to evolve. I am not looking for fame or fortune, I didn’t even want to use my real name but when I created this website I had to and soon realized that information is extremely accessible – including my phone number. Shit. Annnnyway, here we are, fulfilling one of my original recovery goals: to someday have a platform to share my story and make others laugh.
Disclaimer: I have a foul mouth. I have disturbing life experiences that may be detailed in blog, advice or artwork.
I love cannabis and have an interest in recreational psychedelics.
Everything you read here is my own perspective. It is also personal, vulnerable and authentic – unfiltered. My purpose is for connectedness with others. If anything you see here triggers you (including typos haha), please Contact Me! If you need help with addiction please reach out to me or someone that you trust. I went from not caring if I perished in a bottle to wanting to leave behind a legacy. That is my greatest gift of sobriety.
Thank you to everyone who believed in me.
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