Founded in 1935, Alcoholics Anonymous has been regarded as one of the most popular methods for treating alcoholism (and other addictions). Many clinicians agree that A.A. alone isn’t usually enough to permanently relieve symptoms of alcoholism. There is no strict profile for who is an alcoholic, thus there is no set way to resolve it. As indicated by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), “Ultimately, there is no one-size-fits-all solution, and what may work for one person may not be a good fit for someone else.” (Treatment for Alcohol Problems: Finding and Getting Help) The good news is that science is continually developing more solutions to addiction that extend beyond the Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous.

As the gap in time expands, the memory of my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting becomes as dusty as the trailer it was held in. I was an active duty soldier ordered to attend and was less than thrilled about my new mission. It was a crisp Carolina evening, nineteen:fifty-eight was a glaring blue siren on my coupe’s dashboard. If you aren’t ten minutes early, you’re late. I drove around the civilian side of base for far too long trying to find this buzzkill building. The sound of gravel playing plinko down the side of my deployment prize was sobering enough but I had no choice, I had to go inside.

I can still smell the smoke-stained paneling and feel the coldness of being in a room where hopeless killers came to seek mercy for their sins. There weren’t many in attendance but those deranged Vietnam Vets, lonely housewives and young unsung heroes left an impression: don’t get caught again because coming here sucks. Just kidding! Sort-of. If only I could have had the wisdom then to allow these people to use their magic to fill some voids in my heart. Perhaps they did anyway in some small way but I have since forgotten most of their faces. The Spider Lady was the first person who I got honest with about my drinking problem. If prayers could keep people sober, much of my suffering would have been spared due to people like her. 

It didn’t take but 30 seconds to understand what was going on in that room. The table, the books, the prayer, the white man with a beard singing Ho, Ho, Ho and passing a basket for money. It felt worse than falling into ranks at 0600 after closing down the bar at 0230. The giant body cross holding up the wall wasn’t inviting to a twice denounced Christian that had just gotten home from war. Atheism and hate was radiating through my veins and the happiness that these people spewed was more nauseating than a box of Boone’s Farm. It took a long time to understand the peace they felt and even longer to want what they had enough to do what they did to get it. It wasn’t faith to save me, it was love…. and a little bit of science.

Hear me out on the Science part. Much hesitation towards the Alcoholics Anonymous approach is due to the religious content littered throughout the program. There were many Big Book sessions that I spent looking for the cracks. It is easier to prove something wrong than it is to prove it right. There were brief moments in my A.A. stay that theology took the wheel but it was always brief. Today, I am agnostic. I try to remain open and teachable, always trying to evolve to a greater self. This was my problem in active addiction, I was merely existing – not living – not growing. So what does science have to do with the success of Alcoholics Anonymous? In Psychology, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs indicates five areas: physiological, safety/security, love and belonging, self-esteem and self-actualization. (Maslow – Simply Psychology) Let’s examine how A.A. contributes to each of these categories.

The most important tier on Maslow’s pyramid is the basic needs for human survival: food, water, shelter, sleep, etc. Every A.A. meeting I have ever attended has had some kind of beverage and most had snacks. It isn’t uncommon to see a meeting held in the same location as a local food pantry or soup kitchen. A.A. offers a warm, safe environment for people lacking basic resources. There are open meetings, anyone can go, and closed meetings, only those with alcoholism can go (but I have never seen anyone get turned away from a meeting). It isn’t uncommon to see a homeless person come in just to take a nap. I don’t understand how anyone isn’t okay with the program based upon just this.

Next on the pyramid is: safety and security. While providing a physical safe and secure place, there are several other areas of life that can be improved through A.A. Many employees of the organization were once struggling members themselves. Getting jobs by networking in A.A. is a pretty common occurrence as well. Working with other sober people can strengthen sobriety and eliminate stresses about how to handle certain situations. However, it is important to acknowledge that meetings aren’t 100% safe. There are instances of anonymity being broken or drugs being present, although in my 10 years experience, I have seen it less than a handful of times. A.A. is held in public spaces and sometimes people attend who do not have a desire to change. Early in A.A. I heard someone say, “stick with the winners”, find people who have what you want, then do what they do.

The next level on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is love and belonging. This shouldn’t need explanation as to how it relates to recovery within the rooms, but it is vital to understand how it contributes to the addiction problem. It is my belief that addiction is a deterioration of self worth that leads to fear and isolation. During my years in college, I heard a professor claim that there are only two human emotions: love and fear. While human emotion is certainly far more complex than just that, when I was in early recovery, I really needed to simplify it. In my first few years of attending meetings I heard things like:
“Drop the Rock”
“Get out of your own way”
“You’re being too smart for recovery”
“Keep it simple, stupid”
“You’re complicating it”

Being called out for not being open-minded to change led me to broadening what meetings I frequented. I have attended meetings with doctors, lawyers and notable authors but I have also shared cheap cigarettes with under-educated, poverty ridden schizophrenics. Part of what led to my alcoholism is that I lacked a sense of belonging. Someone in a meeting said, “we only have to have one thing in common to help each other ….. we are more alike than we are different”. The human experience is different for everyone and each of us have varying levels of tolerance for pain. My experience was no better or worse than anybody else, I just didn’t want to drink about it anymore. I met people who wouldn’t let me drink. Then I met people that I just didn’t want to drink being around them. “The opposite of addiction is connection” – Johann Hari

Self-esteem is next on the pyramid of needs. A.A. gave me the confidence to stand up and say, “My name is Justine and I am an alcoholic.”. This led to the ability to advocate for my addiction needs, my medical needs, my child’s needs, my need to help others with their own problems. There is a theory that addiction stunts emotional growth. It is said that when an addict stops using drugs they are at the mature age they were when they began to use drugs/alcohol. Add in a little childhood trauma and some controlled thinking by the Army and by the time I made it to my permanent sobriety age, I had no clue who I was as a person. I started drinking alcoholically in my teen years and got sober for good at 28. There is an eternal gratitude for people that mentored my recovery but also showed me how to be an adult, a friend, a coworker, a partner, and a mother. 

The top-tier Maslow talks about is Self-Actualization. This refers back to the part about addicts merely existing without having any momentum towards goals and dreams. This is the difference between sober and recovering. These terms are often used interchangeably but there is a distinct difference between them. Sober is dry – no longer using destructive substances – inactivity. Recovery is making changes beyond just quitting in order to improve your quality of life. Recovery is an action. Those actions look different for everyone and might evolve as we continue to grow. The willingness to try new ways of thinking and living are essential to the process of recovery. I don’t just want to quit, I want to address why I was poisoning myself to begin with – A.A. helped me with that.

For those who struggle with the God part of A.A. yet still celebrate Christmas, I would like for you to ask yourself if that makes sense. Just as easily as we omit Jesus from Christmas, we can disregard it from A.A. What other experiences have you had that were uncomfortable, annoying or inconvenient that served to improve your life? Deploying to Afghanistan provided me with the ability to get the education that I needed to better help people. Admitting defeat is hard enough, admitting it to a table of others makes it real. You can’t talk yourself out of the truth when the secret is out. After years of keeping secrets I finally submitted to A.A. and got honest. My recovery is simple today…. Do I want to live or do I want to die? A.A. said that they would help me live, all I had to do was let them. It isn’t an all or nothing prospect. It doesn’t have to be forever. Just for today, I am willing to do whatever is needed to ensure that I get to celebrate my 8th sober anniversary. Try a meeting three times before not going back, try 3 different meetings in 3 different towns, 3 different times.

Look for reasons to stay
If it doesn’t apply, let it fly
Take what you need and leave the rest

I haven’t attended an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in years but I will always suggest it to newly sober people. It gave me an unwavering foundation for recovery and tools extended beyond addiction for living a meaningful life. It cannot go unsaid that I am most grateful for the love received in the rooms. I came in a broken, hurt child and left as an honest, empowered adult. I have been given many opportunities for selfless work but there is few more humbling than helping another addict from the trenches. Some people stay with A.A. until the bitter end but I took what I needed and left the rest. I hope you can too.